[ Be of use to yourself says Claude and the words echo alongside similar sentiments spoken years and years and years ago, so many that it almost feels like it didn't truly happen to him. That he was never that person after all. Anakin swallows what he can which honestly isn't much - the suit does everything, it's a constant irritant. When he was a slave, at least his hands were still, to some extent, his own. He tries to imagine the weight of Claude's hand against his upper arm - the fabric can hold off nearly everything and something as unimportant, so sentimental as a touch from someone else doesn't translate to any noticeable degree. But if he turns his head slightly, he can see it.
And that, at least, is something. ]
I will try.
[ To all of it. Old Jedi doctrine repeats in his mind - there is no try - but it doesn't resonate with anything within him, otherwise. It's something he used to know, not something he ever truly believed. He considers the logistics of staying away from Sidious which isn't as big a problem as it could be, at least not for the most foreseeable future. The man is preoccupied, securing mining places all around the galaxy, beating down any resistance and blaming it on his many, numerous scapegoats because Palpatine, as always, must be blameless, without fault.
His Master's political power might be an illusion but it's certainly a well-crafted one. ]
And you?
[ Will you let me know, it means, how to find you. There's no doubt at all that he will, that no matter what Claude does from here on, where he goes and who he goes to, Anakin will find a way to follow, if only to keep him safe from a distance, if that's all he can get. He's distantly aware of the flaws in that logic, if held against Claude's belief that people own themselves, that Anakin ought to own himself too. Because owning others is wrong.
So he asks, at least, in a pitiful attempt to own at least a little bit of that idea - one he'd carried with him from Tatooine and lost his hold on, somehow, along the way. ]
Trying is half the job. [ His hand drops from Anakin's upper arm, fingers interlacing restlessly in his lap once more. It isn't said with any kind of irony or sarcasm, he truly means that. Half of the work is trying and he trusts Anakin fully with the rest, too. If nothing else, everything that has happened has shown him exactly how resourceful he can be. Terribly efficient, when he wants to.
It's the fact of what makes him want to that is the terrible part.
Claude stares straight ahead, into the lane of hyperspace they're following. Anakin wants to know and you, with everything it means of, what will you do, where will you go, how will I find you, I just got you back and at least half of those thoughts are Claude's own, too. But he can't tell Anakin anything, because Anakin doesn't believe in the cause, he's been working for the Empire two years already and he destroyed the Jedi. Giving away all his safe passages and meeting points would be very, very unwise, no matter how much Claude trusts him on a personal level. This isn't just about him, after all. He's not the burning center of this conflict, there are greater things at stake. Slowly, he turns his head and looks directly at Anakin, at his helmet and his mask and all the things that give him life now, but he should find his own way.
Like Claude must, so should Anakin. ] You know I can't tell you much, right? But if you can drop me off on Karlinus, I'll go from there.
If he can get her the distress code over his comm, once he's alone, she'll know where to look for him.
In the meantime, Anakin won't.
Claude takes a deep breath, fingers rubbing at each other ever more restless in his lap. Finally, he nods once, straightens up and frees his hands, reaching into his inner pocket for his comlink, letting it rest on his palm as he shows it to the other man. ]
For a while, this is the closest you're gonna come. It's all I can do, you understand?
[ Claude's hand disappears and then, as he speaks, the process of their imminent separation begins as well. Again, he feels an almost overpowering urge to hold onto him and make certain that they won't be apart - he could take him captive, he could prevent him from leaving and make him see... see what, exactly? That the Empire is, at the base of it, worth fighting for? Not even Anakin believes that and maybe he never truly has. He knows Claude and Claude would never. If he takes his choice away from him, the other man will lose more than just that and Claude has done nothing to warrant something so awful. People like Anakin lose parts and pieces of themselves to darkness and betrayal; that's how the story goes.
But Claude, he thinks, should not be forced to lose what makes him Claude and consequently, Anakin closes his eyes behind his mask, lets the respirator breathe for him for a long moment, then nods. Takes the comlink and puts it away in his belt. ]
I will contact you when I'm able.
[ He's now officially defecting without a plan, without a goal and without anything to guide him aside from the thought of Claude being alive in the galaxy - which, while enough to make him almost grateful to Obi-Wan for leaving him half-dead and not actually dead-dead, isn't much of a plan in and of itself. There are many things he must do if he is to honour Claude's wish and stay away from Sidious; the bond they share is fragile at best, his initial gratefulness to the older man for saving him after his loss on Mustafar having soured considerably since.
But even so, it remains.
And so does Anakin's link to the Empire along with the part he's played in its birth.
He wants to ask whether they'll see each other again and pushes the urge away. He doesn't want to risk getting an answer that he can't accept. Instead, he puts one, large hand on Claude's thigh, right above his knee and rests it there, his sensors telling him less than his memories. ]
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And that, at least, is something. ]
I will try.
[ To all of it. Old Jedi doctrine repeats in his mind - there is no try - but it doesn't resonate with anything within him, otherwise. It's something he used to know, not something he ever truly believed. He considers the logistics of staying away from Sidious which isn't as big a problem as it could be, at least not for the most foreseeable future. The man is preoccupied, securing mining places all around the galaxy, beating down any resistance and blaming it on his many, numerous scapegoats because Palpatine, as always, must be blameless, without fault.
His Master's political power might be an illusion but it's certainly a well-crafted one. ]
And you?
[ Will you let me know, it means, how to find you. There's no doubt at all that he will, that no matter what Claude does from here on, where he goes and who he goes to, Anakin will find a way to follow, if only to keep him safe from a distance, if that's all he can get. He's distantly aware of the flaws in that logic, if held against Claude's belief that people own themselves, that Anakin ought to own himself too. Because owning others is wrong.
So he asks, at least, in a pitiful attempt to own at least a little bit of that idea - one he'd carried with him from Tatooine and lost his hold on, somehow, along the way. ]
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It's the fact of what makes him want to that is the terrible part.
Claude stares straight ahead, into the lane of hyperspace they're following. Anakin wants to know and you, with everything it means of, what will you do, where will you go, how will I find you, I just got you back and at least half of those thoughts are Claude's own, too. But he can't tell Anakin anything, because Anakin doesn't believe in the cause, he's been working for the Empire two years already and he destroyed the Jedi. Giving away all his safe passages and meeting points would be very, very unwise, no matter how much Claude trusts him on a personal level. This isn't just about him, after all. He's not the burning center of this conflict, there are greater things at stake. Slowly, he turns his head and looks directly at Anakin, at his helmet and his mask and all the things that give him life now, but he should find his own way.
Like Claude must, so should Anakin. ] You know I can't tell you much, right? But if you can drop me off on Karlinus, I'll go from there.
[ It's a journey, from Karlinus to Nuralee where they have their rendezvous point, Padmé, Bail and him, but it's the closest he feels like he can get. Nuralee was originally chosen because it was deceptively close to Naboo, but of no real interest to anyone after the economic collaps prior to the Clone Wars. Along the line, both Padmé and he kinda grew to like it there. They've used it several times for appointments in person.
If he can get her the distress code over his comm, once he's alone, she'll know where to look for him.
In the meantime, Anakin won't.
Claude takes a deep breath, fingers rubbing at each other ever more restless in his lap. Finally, he nods once, straightens up and frees his hands, reaching into his inner pocket for his comlink, letting it rest on his palm as he shows it to the other man. ]
For a while, this is the closest you're gonna come. It's all I can do, you understand?
no subject
But Claude, he thinks, should not be forced to lose what makes him Claude and consequently, Anakin closes his eyes behind his mask, lets the respirator breathe for him for a long moment, then nods. Takes the comlink and puts it away in his belt. ]
I will contact you when I'm able.
[ He's now officially defecting without a plan, without a goal and without anything to guide him aside from the thought of Claude being alive in the galaxy - which, while enough to make him almost grateful to Obi-Wan for leaving him half-dead and not actually dead-dead, isn't much of a plan in and of itself. There are many things he must do if he is to honour Claude's wish and stay away from Sidious; the bond they share is fragile at best, his initial gratefulness to the older man for saving him after his loss on Mustafar having soured considerably since.
But even so, it remains.
And so does Anakin's link to the Empire along with the part he's played in its birth.
He wants to ask whether they'll see each other again and pushes the urge away. He doesn't want to risk getting an answer that he can't accept. Instead, he puts one, large hand on Claude's thigh, right above his knee and rests it there, his sensors telling him less than his memories. ]